Ennui or malaise?
I can’t decide today. It’s either my internet-induced ADD or just general discouragement that is getting to me lately. Quite honestly, I’d rather be at home sleeping or sewing or reading. Quite, QUITE honestly, I’ve been so discouraged at all the rejection lately (including auditioning for show after show and not getting cast for almost 2 years and the near-certainty that I won’t get accepted to grad school) that it’s hard to work up enthusiasm to try again, even when I do get some good news.
I just feel thwarted in almost everything I do. Frustrated in my attempts to improve myself and my life, as if I should just be content to work a low-income job and never buy a house or get more education. I feel rather directionless right now, and unwilling to even think about Plans B and C for fear they will be as fruitless as everything else (the occasional spinning class aside…). I’m sure I’ll feel better soon, but right now is hard and a little strange.
Maybe I just need more sleep.
March 29th, 2010 at 11:21 am
I have this posted by my mirror in my bathroom:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material.”
Also, this is one of my favorite songs to get through the “now what?s”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae_T-B1OA2M
March 29th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Definitely feeling a lack of motivation in certain areas of my life right now as well.
More sleep, some small successes, and more time enjoying the outdoors would probably help me. Definitely with the small successes.
April 8th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Sleep always seems to help . . . and we all have those days (and months and years). But since you happen to be beautiful, smart and talented - things will turn around - I know it!