Ennui or malaise?
Monday, March 29th, 2010I can’t decide today. It’s either my internet-induced ADD or just general discouragement that is getting to me lately. Quite honestly, I’d rather be at home sleeping or sewing or reading. Quite, QUITE honestly, I’ve been so discouraged at all the rejection lately (including auditioning for show after show and not getting cast for almost 2 years and the near-certainty that I won’t get accepted to grad school) that it’s hard to work up enthusiasm to try again, even when I do get some good news.
I just feel thwarted in almost everything I do. Frustrated in my attempts to improve myself and my life, as if I should just be content to work a low-income job and never buy a house or get more education. I feel rather directionless right now, and unwilling to even think about Plans B and C for fear they will be as fruitless as everything else (the occasional spinning class aside…). I’m sure I’ll feel better soon, but right now is hard and a little strange.
Maybe I just need more sleep.